a cock & bull story
It’s 2020. The UK is in lockdown. Richard Fox, a chef by trade and pork pie obsessive by nature, isn’t suited to being cooped up at home. He’s fidgety, restless. But there’s a bigger problem. After a series of deep and meaningfuls with his good lady wife, Richard has committed the unthinkable. Richard has become a v*gan.
Days into his shiny new lifestyle, Richard starts jonesing for his beloved pocket-sized porky pastries. It soon becomes clear that these feelings, strong feelings, are going nowhere. “WHAT’S THE POINT IN LIVING IF I CAN’T NIBBLE ON A PORK PIE NOW AND THEN?” It’s no good. This porky impulse requires immediate action.
Not wishing to fall off the meat-free wagon, Richard swallows his pride and buys some meat-free pork pies (he’d have been a fool not to, given the precise nature of his predicament). The results are disappointing. Richard feels lonely, deflated. But then the song Don’t Stop Believin’ by Journey comes on the radio. Richard more than anyone knows better than to spurn the solid-gold advice of a bunch of arena-filling rock legends.
And so our hero dedicates the next 18 months of his excellent life to creating a pork pie that didn’t just walk the pork, it talked the pork (not literally). And by geoff, he managed it. The result is the Cock & Bull Porky Pie – everything Richard wanted in a pork pie (savouriness, density, porkiness), and nothing he didn’t (preservatives, stabilisers, err… pork).
In need of validation, he put his pie to the ultimate test: his friend, the chef Rosemary Shrager. Double thumbs up. And when Richard finally told her it was v*gan, he was met with physical violence. He’d cracked it.
Surely it was a case of mic drop, high five to self, funky walk off stage left. Surely this man’s work, strong work, was both done and dusted. No. No, that’s incorrect.
Stopping there would have been an insult to animals, an insult to taste buds, and an insult to the man who had rented Richard a test kitchen with six months remaining on the contract.
So Richard wiped the big smug grin off his face and set to work on some other meat-free marvels. Empanadas? Sí, chef! Bourguignon? Oui, chef! Sausage rolls? Yeaah maaate! All of them omnomnomnivore-approved and as meaty as meat-free can be.
And so, Richard Fox together with his good friend and Great Taste Awards judge Simon Hurley bring you Cock & Bull: meat pies and other lies, crafted in our kitchens with natural ingredients and nothing iffy whatsoever. 100% herbivore friendly. Do not adjust your tongue.
Cock & Bull Ltd., Trecarn, Christys Lane, Shaftesbury, Dorset, United Kingdom, SP7 8NQ
Company registered in England and Wales with registered number 13694274
Design: bigfish.co.uk